One year later!!!

Today is my one-year surgiversary! It's a beautiful day outside...the sun is shining...it's supposed to be a gorgeous 82 degrees. What a day to celebrate the new me!

I took a few minutes this morning (while drinking my morning coffee) to reflect on just how much has changed in my life in the past year.

1. Confidence. I no longer am embarrassed to walk into a room. I like the way I look and feel. Normal. That's all I ever wanted. To feel and look normal. This newfound confidence has even given me a boost at work. I serve as the spokesperson for a school district and have handled a few issues with the media lately. I feel that this newfound confidence really helped me react in these situations and I felt more confident being under pressure and in front of the news cameras. I can't imagine what it would have been like in those situations with the "old" me.

2. Clothing. I love buying clothing again, although my wallet doesn't. I'm finally in a size 12 -- that is somewhere that I haven't been since probably my junior year of high school (24 years ago!!).

3. Activity. I am no longer winded walking up a set of stairs or running around with my kids. I'm very much looking forward to this summer and doing lots of outdoor activities with my three young children.

There is so much to be happy for and so much has changed in the past year. I'm very grateful for the opportunity to restart my life, and am thankful for all of my family and friends who put up with me for the past year (especially those first few weeks).

Until next time, peace out!

Some people really piss me off!

So, I had a dentist appointment this morning and my hygienist (who hasn't seen me in 6 months) asked me how I'd lost so much weight. We talked for a bit about how I'm eating 5-6 small meals a day, eating proteins first, not eating any sugars, etc. Even after that, she still questioned me as if she didn't believe that I'd lost that much weight. I finally confided in her that I'd had WLS and explained that by no means was it easy and that I worked really, really hard to get where I am today.

Some people always look at the negative in things. My dental hygienist commented how great I looked and all, but had to throw in the cautionary comments about "Well, be careful because I know 3 people that had the surgery and they've gained it all back."

Why do people turn something positive into something negative? I just don't get it.

- Of course, I know that I have to be careful of what I eat for the rest of my life.
- Of course, I know that I cannot revert back to my old eating habits.
- Of course, I don't EVER want to look the way I did a year ago.

I am determined to be happy and healthy for the rest of my life. I'm just glad that I can take people's negative comments and let them go in one ear, and out the other. I have a hard shell, and I'm sure not going to let someone else's pessimism get me down!

Until next time, peace out!

A New Day...

OK, so I think that I've mentioned the problem that I've been having lately with carbs. Some of my Barix friends suggested that I try a 5-day pouch test. That involves going back to the basics -- only liquids for the first two days and then gradually weening back onto solid foods. It's supposed to help cure the addiction to carbs, which I really need. However, horrible thoughts and memories of the 10-day pre-surgery liquid diet are still on my mind, and I don't think I'm ready for anything that drastic yet.

That said, I am going to start a refresher today in the basics. I spent Saturday and Sunday at the gym and did cardio, weights, and swimming. I really enjoyed myself and it was really nice to finally get back into that routine. I look forward to spending a few hours on me each week.

I got on the scale this morning and I was back down to 171 (after going up to 176 slightly a few days ago). I don't know if I was just retaining water or if those carbs I've been snacking on lately finally reared their ugly face and added a few pounds on my hips. Either way, I'm focusing on getting down a few more pounds. My one-year surgiversary is this coming Friday. If you would have asked me a year ago if I ever thought it was possible that I'd be down 100 pounds in one year, I would have laughed in your face. Seriously.

I'd like to spend the next few months focusing on my exercise -- toning what I have. Being in a swimsuit this weekend at the Y made me realize that I'm not ready for the beach and vacation yet. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE where I am, but I'd honestly like to lose another 10 pounds (especially right around the spare tire around my hips). Being at 160 pounds is my ultimate goal, and I know that I won't get there without a lot of a hard work and exercise. And a focused and determined mind -- I need to limit my carbs and increase my fruits and vegetables. I need to drastically increase my water intake.

Hell, I've already lost 100 pounds -- another 10 shouldn't be a problem, right? Ha. Those first 100 pounds almost fell off my bones. These last 10 pounds are going to be a challenge, but I'm up for the challenge! I've come a long way and I am not going to let this challenge beat me! Game on!

Until next time, peace out! Have a great week everyone!!

Reality is here...

I am going to be celebrating my one-year surgiversary next Friday -- I can't believe it's really been an entire year. I am down just about 100 pounds, although the number on the scale has gone up a few pounds in the last 2-3 weeks.

For the first time since surgery, I actually feel that my old appetite is back. I don't know if this is normal, but I'd be willing to bet money that it is. I remember seeing lots of postings on here about people struggling after a year out. Well, I suppose it's finally my turn.

I have had this continual desire to graze for about a month now. Unfortunately, the grazing consists of carbs -- pretzels, crackers, and these Ritz Crackerfuls that I'm addicted to.

I'm trying to think of the reason why my appetite has suddenly become less than desirable, and I think that I've pinpointed one of the reasons. In addition to having his grazing problem, I've also substantially increased my intake of caffeine. Whereas I used to be fine with a small cup of coffee each morning, I now find myself having another cup in the afternoon at work and sometimes even having another cup when I get home from work at night. I do remember reading that caffeine is an appetitie stimulant, so maybe that's the reason for my increased appetite?

I really need to decrease my caffeine and carb intake and increase my activity and exercise. The weather is getting nicer out, and I need to focus on being outside. As soon as I sign off of this blog, I'm taking the kids to the YMCA for some swimming. I think I'll work out on the eliptical for 30 minutes first, but then maybe I'll enjoy a relaxing swim.

Until next time, peace out!

Do You Share, or Do You Lie?

I have a question for all of those WLS patients: do you share how you've lost your weight with others who ask? Up to this point, I have always been very open when asked. I tell people that I had gastric bypass surgery. I don't try to hide it. It's been a very positive thing for me. Other than the minor stricture that I had at 3 months out, my recovery has been normal and I've adapted well to my new way of living and eating.

However, this weekend, I was at an event with my daughter and her Girl Scouts troop. A mom who I hardly know comes over to me and says almost matter-of-factly "I didn't know you had gastric bypass surgery??" As if she was my BFF and she was pissed that I hadn't told her. First of all, I hardly know this woman. Second of all, I wondered how she had found out. So, I asked. She told me that one of the other moms was talking about it...and well, you know the rest...

I told her the whole story and she seemed very surprised. It got me to thinking whether or not I'm doing the right thing by revealing that I had WLS. Does it have a stigma related to it that I'm just not seeing? Do people say how wonderful it is to your face, and then go behind your back gossiping that "I can't believe what she did..."?? For me, this has been an amazing experience and one that has changed my life for the positive. Is there the expectation that I will gain the weight back, because many do? Do people think I took the easy way out? Why is doing something positive for yourself frowned upon?

I guess I'm still just a little peeved by the reaction that this woman had. Maybe I shouldn't give two shits because she's really not a friend and is barely even an acquaintance.

I was just wondering what you all thought. Please post a comment if you have time.

Until next time, peace out!

Spring has Sprung!

Spring is definitely here. New life is everywhere you look. Flowers peering through the soil, buds blooming on the trees, and even the sounds of the birds reminds you that spring is here. As I sit at my kitchen table looking outside at all the new life, I can't help thinking about the new life that I now have. It is amazing to think how different I am now over how I was just a year ago.

My best friend was at my house this morning (for my daughter's First Communion) and someone took a picture of us. The same time last year (mid-April), we were at my sister-in-law's baby shower and also took pictures. For shits and giggles, I put the two pictures together...and WOW. Words cannot describe the feeling I had when I looked at the pictures side by side. I honestly feel sick in my stomach when I look at how large I used to be. I really can't fathom how I let myself get that big!!! See for yourself. Here we are:



As I look back at that photo of myself, all those horrible thoughts and feelings of being overweight come flooding back. I never, and I repeat never, want to look anything remotely that horrible again!

So, this Spring, Lisa and I both have something to be happy about -- our new lives. Spring is a season for renewal, and Lisa and both are blessed to have had the opportunity to renew ourselves.

Here's to you, Lisa...

I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends!

I had a wonderfully inspiring day today. For the first time since my surgery, I attended a support group meeting at Barix Clinics in Langhorne. My best friend attended last month and invited me to go along with her today. Seriously, it's just one of those things that I kept saying "Yea, I'll get there one of these months." But, then one month becomes another month...and well, you get the picture.

Barix is about an hour from my house, so it's not a quick trip. But, it was well worth the ride (especially having some catch up time with Lisa in the car!). There were about 30-40 people there today and it was really interesting hearing everyone's stories. We were split into two groups: pre-op patients and those up to 3 months out, and then the rest of us (3 months out of surgery and up). We basically went around the group and shared things on our mind. Some people were having specific problems (fear of returning to sugars, putting on a few pounds of late, etc.). Others just shared that they are feeling great and are happy to be where they are. I fit into the latter group (insert grin here).

For the most part, I am happy and feel great. I'm really trying to get my water intake up and my carb intake down. Carbs have always been a problem for me, and that's the reason why I got in the situation I was in to start with. It is a really tough thing trying to curb those cravings. I guess it could be worse...a few pretzels are surely better than a few jellybeans, right? I really have no craving for sugars, which is a good thing. A lot of people at today's support group meeting talked about their struggles with cravings for cookies, chocolate, cakes, etc. Although I'm just a year out, those cravings haven't returned for me.

I have been receiving some negative vibes lately from some folks about my "poor eating habits" and how they've continued -- even after surgery. I don't know what people think when they hear about this surgery. Weight loss surgery is not a cure all for everything. We still struggle with the same addictions and weight problems that we did before surgery. The surgery was just a tool to give us a jump start on a new life. We still have to work on maintaining, exercising, etc. -- just like anyone else on any other kind of diet.

I will be the first one to admit that when I go out to eat (which isn't too often), I do treat myself. It's not like I eat that way all the time. A few gravy fries or a few broccoli bites aren't the end of the world. My homemade macaroni and cheese is definitely a treat! It's not like I eat that stuff five times a week. It's a treat, and anything in moderation is acceptable. It's unrealistic to think I could go through the rest of my life and never have that stuff again. For the most part, I make sure I eat a salad once a day, get some sort of protein in (chicken, pork), and try to limit the carb intake.

I know that I'm not perfect -- and I don't claim to be. I know that this will be a struggle for the remainder of my life -- and I don't think it will be easy.

But, what I do know is that I have been given a new lease on life. And I will do whatever it takes to keep living this way -- healthy and enjoying myself and living life to the fullest. Oh, and I will also do my best to ignore all the negative vibes that come my way. I'm proud of how far that I've come, and I sure the hell aren't going to let someone get me down because they are waving a finger at me or rolling their eyes at me because I have a slice of pizza or a few french fries.

Until next time, peace out!