An amazing transformation...

I know I've blabbed on here so much about the amazing physical transformation that I've lived through in the last 16 months, but this week for the first time, I've experienced and realized another sort of transformation: my confidence level.

I've never really been a very confident person, and my weight has been the biggest reason for that. Throughout the years, I have been a bit on the shy side and not very confident speaking in front of large groups.

This week, I was given the assignment at work of presenting two hours worth of material to a group of about 55-60 co-workers: fellow administrators, building secretaries, and district office employees. The topic wasn't the easiest to present (customer service/family-school partnerships), so I was very intimidated when my boss asked me to do this.

I spent about two weeks preparing my presentation and the activities that would go along with it. I started getting nervous a few days before the presentation, mostly because these were my co-workers that I had to present to. If it would have been a group of individuals at a conference that I'd never see again, that would have been a different story. But, these were my co-workers that I had to see each and every day.

As I got up to give the presentation, my nerves started acting up...I felt my voice start to crack as I began talking. But, I quickly recovered and the rest of the presentation went smoothly. My confidence level really allowed me to get through the presentation, keep an active audience, and even garnered a round of applause at the end! I was shocked.

I've been mulling things over the last day or two, and came to the conclusion that I NEVER would have been able to pull this off a few years ago before my surgery. Not only did I not have the confidence to stand up in front of a crowd that size, I also don't think I could have pulled off the content as effectively.

So, this is just another reason to be happy with the decision that I made to have WLS. Not only have I changed on the outside for the positive, but I've also changed on the inside. What a wonderful feeling...

Getting into the groove...

I finally took the initiative this weekend and started a workout program. Although my family had a membership to our local YMCA, we really didn't use it very much except for an occasional swim. A new LA Fitness opened about 3 minutes from my house, and I've been toying for a while with checking it out. I figured it was so close to home, that I'd have no excuse for not working out.

So, I went on Friday and joined the LA Fitness and cancelled our YMCA membership. The greatest perk to the LA Fitness membership is that I can bring two guests with me at any time! My husband came with me on Friday night and we had a great workout together. Then, my friend Karen came with me this morning and we had a wonderful time (it was her birthday too!).

I feel much more comfortable at the new gym than I did at the YMCA -- for some reason, I was so intimidated at the Y. I don't know if it was the people or the facility, but it just didn't work for me. I'm very hopeful that my new gym will be easier for me to get my exercise in. I'm even going to try to take some classes this week!

I'm at the point now where I've been plateaued for about 8 months...stuck at a 100-101 pound weight loss. I'm very happy where I am, but would still love to lose another 10-15 pounds and tone the jiggle that I've got left. It's been a long road to get to this point (hard to believe my WLS was more than 15 months ago!). I've come so far and I'm so close to the finish line -- I just don't want to throw in the towel now. I'm not aiming for perfection (after all, what is perfection?). I'm down to a size 12 pants now, which is something I couldn't have even dreamed of a year ago. I'm not shooting for an unrealistic size 6 or anything like that -- maybe a size 10? That doesn't seem so hard after how far I've come already (from a size 22/24).

So, now it's time for me to make time for ME! I'm going to do my best to get to the gym 4-5 times a week. If I have some company with me, that just makes it even more fun!

I leave for vacation in just about five weeks, so we'll see if I can tone anything up by then! My ultimate goal is next summer! Woohoo!

Until next time, I hope you all have a great week. Peace out!

Summer is in full swing!!!

It's been a while since I've posted anything on here. Life just gets so busy sometimes. Between work, kid activities, and going back to grad school, I sometimes feel that I don't have any time to focus on myself -- meaning my "diet" and "exercise." I know that I've blogged about this before...and I wish I could say that I've been able to change some of these bad habits.

But, unfortunately, things haven't changed. I'm still struggling with the carbs and the lack of exercise. It's not that I would call myself an inactive person. It's just I can't fit a regular exercise workout into my daily routine.

As for my weight, I've been fortunate that I've been at the same plateau for about six months now. I teeter between 2-3 pounds and I'm really happy with where I am, but I would honestly like to lose another 10 pounds. I'm finally in a size 12 and I'm very comfortable here -- it's been a while since I've been here (11th grade, to be exact).

Now that it's swimsuit season, I notice all of the "wouldn't it be nice if's". Wouldn't it be nice if:

- I could lose just one more roll from my stomach
- I could have toner legs
- I could lose the jiggle from under my arms

These are all things that I'll have to work on as I continue this LIFE LONG journey. It's all worth it and so am I.

To all of my friends out there who are reading this and struggling with their own journey, we can do this together. Our decisions to have WLS was a huge decision in and of itself. Everything that we've been through all ready was well worth it. We will continue to have struggles throughout the next 2 years, 5 years, and throughout the rest of our lives. Just think of the wonderful new lives we've created for ourselves and remember that, in the end, WE ARE ALL WORTH IT!!!

Quick Update!

Today, I had my one-year follow-up appointment with Dr. Boe. Everything is going well, and all of my bloodwork came back normal. No vitamin deficiencies and nothing to be worried about. We talked about me wanting to lose another 10-15 pounds and I've set some calorie and activity goals with the nutritionist. Hell, if I've already lost 100 pounds, one would think that another 10-15 pounds would be cake, right? NOT.

These last 10-15 pounds are the hardest as my body reached its plateau a few months back, and now I really have to work to lose any more. Don't get me wrong -- I'm extremely happy where I am right now, but those 10-15 pounds are something for me to work on and look forward to losing.

I'm just glad that my bloodwork looks good and I have no vitamin deficiencies. I've heard that a lot of WLS patients start having problems after a year or so because they stop taking all of their vitamins and get back to some old bad habits. I'm still very anal about my vitamin intake and my sugar control. I still read labels like a freak and make sure that my sugar content is below where it should be (less than 2 grams per serving).

I'm trying to rely on healthy snacks (Greek yogurt with fresh berries, almonds, etc.) instead of reaching for a carb fix. Most days, I reach my protein goal and calorie goal, but I know that I still need to work on getting more fluids in (coffee doesn't count, boo!).

It's been an amazing rollercoaster ride this past year...I can still remember back to one of my first blog posts after I had decided to have this surgery. I used a rollercoaster image to describe what this journey would be like, and it surely was true to life. A wild, exhiliarating, and sometimes unexpected rollercoaster ride...but one that I would take all over again if need be!!!

Until next time, peace out!

One year later!!!

Today is my one-year surgiversary! It's a beautiful day outside...the sun is shining...it's supposed to be a gorgeous 82 degrees. What a day to celebrate the new me!

I took a few minutes this morning (while drinking my morning coffee) to reflect on just how much has changed in my life in the past year.

1. Confidence. I no longer am embarrassed to walk into a room. I like the way I look and feel. Normal. That's all I ever wanted. To feel and look normal. This newfound confidence has even given me a boost at work. I serve as the spokesperson for a school district and have handled a few issues with the media lately. I feel that this newfound confidence really helped me react in these situations and I felt more confident being under pressure and in front of the news cameras. I can't imagine what it would have been like in those situations with the "old" me.

2. Clothing. I love buying clothing again, although my wallet doesn't. I'm finally in a size 12 -- that is somewhere that I haven't been since probably my junior year of high school (24 years ago!!).

3. Activity. I am no longer winded walking up a set of stairs or running around with my kids. I'm very much looking forward to this summer and doing lots of outdoor activities with my three young children.

There is so much to be happy for and so much has changed in the past year. I'm very grateful for the opportunity to restart my life, and am thankful for all of my family and friends who put up with me for the past year (especially those first few weeks).

Until next time, peace out!

Some people really piss me off!

So, I had a dentist appointment this morning and my hygienist (who hasn't seen me in 6 months) asked me how I'd lost so much weight. We talked for a bit about how I'm eating 5-6 small meals a day, eating proteins first, not eating any sugars, etc. Even after that, she still questioned me as if she didn't believe that I'd lost that much weight. I finally confided in her that I'd had WLS and explained that by no means was it easy and that I worked really, really hard to get where I am today.

Some people always look at the negative in things. My dental hygienist commented how great I looked and all, but had to throw in the cautionary comments about "Well, be careful because I know 3 people that had the surgery and they've gained it all back."

Why do people turn something positive into something negative? I just don't get it.

- Of course, I know that I have to be careful of what I eat for the rest of my life.
- Of course, I know that I cannot revert back to my old eating habits.
- Of course, I don't EVER want to look the way I did a year ago.

I am determined to be happy and healthy for the rest of my life. I'm just glad that I can take people's negative comments and let them go in one ear, and out the other. I have a hard shell, and I'm sure not going to let someone else's pessimism get me down!

Until next time, peace out!

A New Day...

OK, so I think that I've mentioned the problem that I've been having lately with carbs. Some of my Barix friends suggested that I try a 5-day pouch test. That involves going back to the basics -- only liquids for the first two days and then gradually weening back onto solid foods. It's supposed to help cure the addiction to carbs, which I really need. However, horrible thoughts and memories of the 10-day pre-surgery liquid diet are still on my mind, and I don't think I'm ready for anything that drastic yet.

That said, I am going to start a refresher today in the basics. I spent Saturday and Sunday at the gym and did cardio, weights, and swimming. I really enjoyed myself and it was really nice to finally get back into that routine. I look forward to spending a few hours on me each week.

I got on the scale this morning and I was back down to 171 (after going up to 176 slightly a few days ago). I don't know if I was just retaining water or if those carbs I've been snacking on lately finally reared their ugly face and added a few pounds on my hips. Either way, I'm focusing on getting down a few more pounds. My one-year surgiversary is this coming Friday. If you would have asked me a year ago if I ever thought it was possible that I'd be down 100 pounds in one year, I would have laughed in your face. Seriously.

I'd like to spend the next few months focusing on my exercise -- toning what I have. Being in a swimsuit this weekend at the Y made me realize that I'm not ready for the beach and vacation yet. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE where I am, but I'd honestly like to lose another 10 pounds (especially right around the spare tire around my hips). Being at 160 pounds is my ultimate goal, and I know that I won't get there without a lot of a hard work and exercise. And a focused and determined mind -- I need to limit my carbs and increase my fruits and vegetables. I need to drastically increase my water intake.

Hell, I've already lost 100 pounds -- another 10 shouldn't be a problem, right? Ha. Those first 100 pounds almost fell off my bones. These last 10 pounds are going to be a challenge, but I'm up for the challenge! I've come a long way and I am not going to let this challenge beat me! Game on!

Until next time, peace out! Have a great week everyone!!

Reality is here...

I am going to be celebrating my one-year surgiversary next Friday -- I can't believe it's really been an entire year. I am down just about 100 pounds, although the number on the scale has gone up a few pounds in the last 2-3 weeks.

For the first time since surgery, I actually feel that my old appetite is back. I don't know if this is normal, but I'd be willing to bet money that it is. I remember seeing lots of postings on here about people struggling after a year out. Well, I suppose it's finally my turn.

I have had this continual desire to graze for about a month now. Unfortunately, the grazing consists of carbs -- pretzels, crackers, and these Ritz Crackerfuls that I'm addicted to.

I'm trying to think of the reason why my appetite has suddenly become less than desirable, and I think that I've pinpointed one of the reasons. In addition to having his grazing problem, I've also substantially increased my intake of caffeine. Whereas I used to be fine with a small cup of coffee each morning, I now find myself having another cup in the afternoon at work and sometimes even having another cup when I get home from work at night. I do remember reading that caffeine is an appetitie stimulant, so maybe that's the reason for my increased appetite?

I really need to decrease my caffeine and carb intake and increase my activity and exercise. The weather is getting nicer out, and I need to focus on being outside. As soon as I sign off of this blog, I'm taking the kids to the YMCA for some swimming. I think I'll work out on the eliptical for 30 minutes first, but then maybe I'll enjoy a relaxing swim.

Until next time, peace out!

Do You Share, or Do You Lie?

I have a question for all of those WLS patients: do you share how you've lost your weight with others who ask? Up to this point, I have always been very open when asked. I tell people that I had gastric bypass surgery. I don't try to hide it. It's been a very positive thing for me. Other than the minor stricture that I had at 3 months out, my recovery has been normal and I've adapted well to my new way of living and eating.

However, this weekend, I was at an event with my daughter and her Girl Scouts troop. A mom who I hardly know comes over to me and says almost matter-of-factly "I didn't know you had gastric bypass surgery??" As if she was my BFF and she was pissed that I hadn't told her. First of all, I hardly know this woman. Second of all, I wondered how she had found out. So, I asked. She told me that one of the other moms was talking about it...and well, you know the rest...

I told her the whole story and she seemed very surprised. It got me to thinking whether or not I'm doing the right thing by revealing that I had WLS. Does it have a stigma related to it that I'm just not seeing? Do people say how wonderful it is to your face, and then go behind your back gossiping that "I can't believe what she did..."?? For me, this has been an amazing experience and one that has changed my life for the positive. Is there the expectation that I will gain the weight back, because many do? Do people think I took the easy way out? Why is doing something positive for yourself frowned upon?

I guess I'm still just a little peeved by the reaction that this woman had. Maybe I shouldn't give two shits because she's really not a friend and is barely even an acquaintance.

I was just wondering what you all thought. Please post a comment if you have time.

Until next time, peace out!

Spring has Sprung!

Spring is definitely here. New life is everywhere you look. Flowers peering through the soil, buds blooming on the trees, and even the sounds of the birds reminds you that spring is here. As I sit at my kitchen table looking outside at all the new life, I can't help thinking about the new life that I now have. It is amazing to think how different I am now over how I was just a year ago.

My best friend was at my house this morning (for my daughter's First Communion) and someone took a picture of us. The same time last year (mid-April), we were at my sister-in-law's baby shower and also took pictures. For shits and giggles, I put the two pictures together...and WOW. Words cannot describe the feeling I had when I looked at the pictures side by side. I honestly feel sick in my stomach when I look at how large I used to be. I really can't fathom how I let myself get that big!!! See for yourself. Here we are:



As I look back at that photo of myself, all those horrible thoughts and feelings of being overweight come flooding back. I never, and I repeat never, want to look anything remotely that horrible again!

So, this Spring, Lisa and I both have something to be happy about -- our new lives. Spring is a season for renewal, and Lisa and both are blessed to have had the opportunity to renew ourselves.

Here's to you, Lisa...

I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends!

I had a wonderfully inspiring day today. For the first time since my surgery, I attended a support group meeting at Barix Clinics in Langhorne. My best friend attended last month and invited me to go along with her today. Seriously, it's just one of those things that I kept saying "Yea, I'll get there one of these months." But, then one month becomes another month...and well, you get the picture.

Barix is about an hour from my house, so it's not a quick trip. But, it was well worth the ride (especially having some catch up time with Lisa in the car!). There were about 30-40 people there today and it was really interesting hearing everyone's stories. We were split into two groups: pre-op patients and those up to 3 months out, and then the rest of us (3 months out of surgery and up). We basically went around the group and shared things on our mind. Some people were having specific problems (fear of returning to sugars, putting on a few pounds of late, etc.). Others just shared that they are feeling great and are happy to be where they are. I fit into the latter group (insert grin here).

For the most part, I am happy and feel great. I'm really trying to get my water intake up and my carb intake down. Carbs have always been a problem for me, and that's the reason why I got in the situation I was in to start with. It is a really tough thing trying to curb those cravings. I guess it could be worse...a few pretzels are surely better than a few jellybeans, right? I really have no craving for sugars, which is a good thing. A lot of people at today's support group meeting talked about their struggles with cravings for cookies, chocolate, cakes, etc. Although I'm just a year out, those cravings haven't returned for me.

I have been receiving some negative vibes lately from some folks about my "poor eating habits" and how they've continued -- even after surgery. I don't know what people think when they hear about this surgery. Weight loss surgery is not a cure all for everything. We still struggle with the same addictions and weight problems that we did before surgery. The surgery was just a tool to give us a jump start on a new life. We still have to work on maintaining, exercising, etc. -- just like anyone else on any other kind of diet.

I will be the first one to admit that when I go out to eat (which isn't too often), I do treat myself. It's not like I eat that way all the time. A few gravy fries or a few broccoli bites aren't the end of the world. My homemade macaroni and cheese is definitely a treat! It's not like I eat that stuff five times a week. It's a treat, and anything in moderation is acceptable. It's unrealistic to think I could go through the rest of my life and never have that stuff again. For the most part, I make sure I eat a salad once a day, get some sort of protein in (chicken, pork), and try to limit the carb intake.

I know that I'm not perfect -- and I don't claim to be. I know that this will be a struggle for the remainder of my life -- and I don't think it will be easy.

But, what I do know is that I have been given a new lease on life. And I will do whatever it takes to keep living this way -- healthy and enjoying myself and living life to the fullest. Oh, and I will also do my best to ignore all the negative vibes that come my way. I'm proud of how far that I've come, and I sure the hell aren't going to let someone get me down because they are waving a finger at me or rolling their eyes at me because I have a slice of pizza or a few french fries.

Until next time, peace out!

11 Months Ago...

Wow, I really can't believe it's been 11 whole months since I had my WLS. In those 11 months, my life has changed so dramatically. I feel like the same person on the inside (well, maybe a little bit more confident), but the outside is so different. My husband took a photo of me to update my Facebook profile picture this weekend, and I had to do a second look to make sure it was me. What a wonderfully refreshing feeling that was!

For the record, I am down a total of 101 pounds. My weight fluctuates between 170 and 172, depending on what time of the day it is (and how many snacks I've eaten that day!). I have been at that mark for about 3-4 months now, with no major movement.



Some things that I need to work on (and these will continue to be a struggle for me for the rest of my life, no doubt):

1. More exercise - seems that there's never enough time in the day to get any regular exercise in. I do try to do at least 20-30 minutes on my treadmill a few times a week, but I will be the first to admit that those have been few and far between the last two months.

2. Eat less carbs - this has always been a problem for me. The urge to graze still comes back every once and a while, but of course, I cannot eat as much as I used to. Whereas before surgery, I could have sat down and snacked on an entire bag of pretzels or chips, now I have a handful and I'm content. What I need to work on is eating healthier snacks. Instead of crackers or pretzels, I have to make an effort to eat a piece of fruit or a piece of cheese. It's something that I'm aware of, but a carb addiction really is a hard habit to break.

Overall, I feel so fortunate to have had this much success with my WLS. I know it's a life long commitment, and something I can't give up on. I'm worth it, after all!

Until next time, peace out!

Good day...bad day!

Well, my day started off wonderfully this morning. I got on the scale for the first time in about a week...and low and behold, I have finally hit 100 pounds lost! I almost couldn't believe my eyes. I have been stuck in a holding pattern for the last 2-3 months -- teetering between 95 pounds lost and 97 pounds lost. What a wonderful, exhiliarating feeling it was to see that scale this morning!

So, that's how my day started. As I sat down to enjoy my morning cup of coffee a few minutes later, my day took a turn for the worst. I hadn't even taken my first sip of my morning "wake up call" when my cell phone rang and I received a phone call from my boss, the superintendent of the school district I work for. He asked if I could come in immediately -- one of our school buses was involved in an accident and the passenger in the car that was also involved was killed. Being the communications person for the district, I needed to get in immediately to deal with the media influx.

Needless to say, dinner tonight was my first meal of the day -- it was a very long and hard day. So, as I write this note tonight, I am thinking of the wonderful start to my day...and I will take this exhiliarating feeling with me to bed. It will be a short-lived feeling as I need to be out of the house at the crack of dawn to head to our school building to help with media control again (hopefully there won't be any, but you never know).

So, until next time, peace out and wishes for a wonderful day to you all!

Feeling really good...for the first time in my life!

I've finally started being accountable for that New Year's Resolution that I've made so many years...lose weight...get in shape...eat healthier.

For the first time in my entire life, I can actually say that I'm taking the bull by the horns and I'm making it happen. The WLS last April was the first step into making this frequently-requested New Year's Resolution a reality. The WLS has given me the tool that I needed to restart my life.

So far, I've lost 95 pounds...gone from a size 22/24 to a size 12/14...and have become more active than I ever thought possible. I am trying my darnest to exercise at least 3-4 times a week. For the last couple of weeks, that's mostly meant 30 minutes/night on the treadmill in my basement.

Tonight, for the first time in 386 days (yes, that's right), I hopped onto the Wii Fit. I had fun hula hooping, running, and doing step aerobics. It was a nice warmup for the treadmill tonight. What a moment it was when I did my body test and it told me that I lost 86 pounds since the last time I was on. I was a little disappointed, however, when the Wii Fit told me that my body age was 45 -- I'm only 40! That's bad enough -- I don't need someone telling me (machine or not) that I'm any older than I really am!

Anyway, I'm going to try to do the Wii Fit a few times a week in addition to cardio -- it's a fun way to do some strength training and aerobics without ever having to leave the living room.

I had another one of those "moments" today when one of my principals stopped by my office and said: "Professionally speaking, I want to tell you how awesome you look. You must be so proud of yourself." I felt all warm inside receiving such a nice compliment, and politely replied "I feel really good, and that's what matters."

Several people have asked me how I lost so much weight, and I honestly don't hide the fact that I had WLS. There's no way that I could have done this all on my own, and I really am proud of how far I've come. I can't take all of the credit for it, and I have no problem telling people that I had WLS. It can be a tremendous tool for someone who was in the same boat as I was, and I think it's something to be considered for anyone overweight. It's not for everyone, however, and demands careful research and thought!

Anyway, I wish everyone a good week. Until next time, peace out!

Had My Nine-Month Checkup Today!

Just got back from my nine-month checkup at Barix this morning. According to their scales, I'm down a total of 93 pounds since my surgery on April 30th. I'm happy with that, but as I discussed with my doctor today, my eventual goal is 160 pounds -- another 18 pounds to lose. I'm not in any rush. I'm quite pleased with how I look and *feel* right now. For the most part, it's just toning and some refining that needs to be done.

The weight loss has substantially slowed down -- if not stopped -- so I know that exercise is what I need to focus on now. I got on the treadmill last night for the first time in weeks (I know, bad Shelly). I do enjoy walking and jogging on the treadmill, and I really do enjoy going to the YMCA -- when I can get there. I am trying to get up 3-4 mornings a week at least 30 minutes early, just so I can get down on the treadmill. I'm going to rely on my husband (c'mon, Gary) to help me with this as I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON and would sleep until the last possible second, if left to me!

Anyway, back to my checkup appointment today. My bloodwork was all excellent, with the exception of a slight iron deficiency. I have always had a problem with my iron levels, so this wasn't a shock to me. According to my doctor and the nutritionist, the only change I need to implement is to take my iron pills more consistently and every day (I was only taking every other day). I'm going to try a new chewable iron supplement from Barix -- one that doesn't have the typical side effects from iron intake. We'll see how that goes! :)

My doctor was very pleased with my progress and with how I look. He commented that I don't look "hollow" like some patients he's seen that have lost almost 100 pounds. That made me smile inside.

Oh, I received another positive comment yesterday that I thought I'd share. I had an appointment at Cabrini College to talk about finishing my Master's Degree. (I only need four classes to finish, so I'm going to start this summer back at graduate school -- something else to look forward to!). Anyway, while meeting with the Dean of Graduate Studies, he commented on how "well-polished" of a woman that I was. I had a class with him three years ago, and he noted how different I look. It made me feel *very* good inside and made me think about the person that I've become -- and also about the person that I used to be.

With this *new* me has come a definite sense of confidence. Not an overbearing "look at me" type of confidence (at least, I hope it doesn't come off that way). Rather, one that I feel comfortable with myself and being in any situation. I'm more confident at work -- in my personal life -- and around my family. It really is a great feeling and one that I hope will continue for a while, if not forever.

Enough of my rambling. I wish you alla wonderful week. Until next time, peace out!

Stuck in a rut...

I've been hovering at the 97-pounds lost mark for a few months now. I knew that the weightloss would eventually slow down, so I should have expected this. I really am quite happy with how I look and feel, but I'd like to lose another 10-15 pounds and "firm up" my body. I'm 5'8" in height, and my current weight is 173 pounds. That's the lowest I've been since high school, so I really am quite happy.

I don't know what it is, but I just can't get myself motivated to exercise. I can't use the excuse that I don't have enough time because I really do. I spend several hours a week doing non-essential things such as Facebook, so I really should turn that time into doing something useful for myself.

As soon as I get done this blog and get off the computer, I'm going to go put my exercise clothes and sneakers on and go downstairs to the treadmill. Really, I have no excuse. I need to get this body into shape!!!

So, hopefully by my next blog, I'll be sharing about how much time I'm spending on the treadmill or at the YMCA instead of how much time I'm wasting on Facebook or surfing the net. Until next time, peace out!